Day 2_Slow down

Hello there!

Let's start off by jumping to the video icon to watch a clip that shows how things can be polar opposite what we first thought.

Tell us what you thought about the story when you've finished.

It's all about perspective.

Has anything recently turned out to be completely different than you first thought? If so, what happened?

What emotional land mine was triggered and how did that make you react?

Do you think you reacted before you had time to think things through?

Acting before thinking is a response - an old survival tool - that makes things worse. Sigh....Been there.

It helps to wait for the whole story to emerge like the dog in the cartoon you just watched who thought the heron was his enemy. But the bird wasn't out to punk the dog or his master. Ms. Heron simply had some hungry mouths to feed, and those worms on the boat took a lot of pressure off a desperate mother.

The most effective tool we've learned is to slow things down - pump the brakes - when first triggered.

The initial feelings are going to be there going off like alarm bells. You can't help that.

As soon as you feel those feelings, hit the 'pause' button, so you can find out the truth about what's really unfolding. The situation could turn out to be completely different than what you'd assumed.

Eventually, it will feel natural to take the time to find out what's really going on in situations that make you feel jumpy now.

Are you willing to give this a try?

If you said no, then you're welcome to return to these steps when that last nerve of yours has suffered enough.

If you said yes, then revisit the interaction you described above that went sideways.

Do you remember what you were feeling when the thing happened?

Without going into detail, can you connect this feeling to anything negative that happened in your past?

In the most recent situation, what did the other person say or do to make you react?

Are you willing to try a new go-to response, as in a new set of tools?

Try this when confronted by something that triggers you:

*Slow down your thoughts
*Count to 10
*Listen to what is said - not the way it's said or who's saying it
*Shoulders back and head up
*Take a long, deep breath
*Look the person in the eye
*Ask clarifying questions (Keep them clean and no attitude)
It could something like, "Hey, I'm not sure what I just heard (or saw). Can you help me out here? What just happened?"
*Listen carefully to the response
*Think about what was said
*Respond the same way you'd want them to respond to you

You should calm down by the time you get to 'listen to the response'.

How willing are you to give this a try when you feel triggered again?

Role play in front of a mirror.

First, re-enact your most recent interaction that went a little haywire.
Note your facial expressions and body movements and how you think the other person may have registered your reaction.

Second, replay the same scene, this time using the tips from Step 8, noting your facial expression and body language.

Describe the difference between the two role plays.

If you're in one of JP's Next Step Camps, try posting to your peers and ask how they de-escalate drama. Maybe they have something to say that would help you more.

If you need to, feel welcome to post to Publisher (us), and check your response in the message icon above.

See you tomorrow!