Day 6_Your Back

Hi there! How's the new friend thing going?

Most people won't find new buds quickly. That's okay.

It's meant to take time. It's the process that's most important because that's where you'll learn the most and won't be apt to forget it.

The process of looking around and meeting new people gives you confidence and shows you some things about yourself you may not have known.

This is actually one of the first real adult goals to reach.

As with any goal, the process is the most important part.

What are your thoughts on looking around and meeting new people as you go about your day?

There are a couple of things to know about the process of friendship.

As you look for friends, keep in mind that invitations should give them the dignity to say no. Maybe they're on a different journey. That's fine, too.

Invite them to do something. If you haven't heard from them in a few days, you could extend another invitation.

After the third try in three weeks, move on. It’s okay. This will free you to find someone who may have more in common with you or who has the time to spend with you.

Sound good? Any hesitation?

You may be a little worried or a lot worried, but let's keep focused. The focus will help you outsmart your worries.

Here's another tip to practice: It's important that when someone says yes to your invitation, that you show up on time and don't flake.

How committed are you to showing up on time, no excuses?

Of course, it helps to know what you want to do with this potential friend so you can get to know them.

Name a few activities you enjoy that you could invite someone to do with you. For example a hike or movie or pick up game of basketball is a good start.

The more you get to know this person, and they get to know you, the more you 'interlock - or overlap - shields'.

Simply put: you have each other's backs. The deal breaker is if you don't have similar values, a common purpose or one or the other wants to take advantage in an unkind way. The opposite should be going on.

Your community of friends becomes stronger when you're lined up with each other in terms of core values, shared experiences during the friendship and positive motives for being friends.

At this point how important to you are values, shared experiences and healthy motives?

Skill sets have value, too. Academics or work-related skills aren't it. Personal traits and values are the thing to focus on.

Some of the skill sets we've mentioned are the ability to:
*Encourage
*Strengthen
*Challenge
*Lead

It's wise to choose at least one person each to fit every one of these skill sets, keeping in mind that each skill set represents a shield.

As these fall into place, you begin to battle life's uncertainties AS ONE, like the 'Gladiator' clip.

We've talked about this before and want to emphasize it again. The way you'll get to know each other is a very natural process, but it will take time.

'Time' means at least 9 to 12 months of regular interactions during the week.

In the past, how well have you been able to allow friendships to develop over time?

Again it's okay if someone says no to you. It may feel like rejection, but it’s NOT personal. Move on to the next person.

At this moment how confident are you that you can hear a 'no' and move on without getting down about it?

If you feel uncertain, then take a moment to think about a great song that really 'sends' you.

The feeling of the song you choose is what you're aiming for in a good friendship. Hang on to this song and the feeling it leaves with you.

So...what song did you choose?

If you're not feeling the same good vibes with your 'maybe friend' as you do with your favorite song, it could be an indication to move on.

But first do an honest gut check to make sure you're really open and ready to make new friends. The bad vibe could be on your side, not theirs, if you're not ready to reach out.

How much do you think this applies to your situation?

You've gotten through a lot today. Keep at it.

All you have to do is trust the process.

Speaking of process...have a good day, and we'll see you tomorrow!